YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
