Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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