So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
