my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
And then he peed in my hair
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