My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
