She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
