also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
