My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
