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if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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