mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
They have beer where we have blood.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
