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• (619): View more from California

  If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue

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  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs

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  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE

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• (415): View more from California

  It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO

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• (315): View more from New York

  I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.

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