Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?