im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Less talking, more tequila
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
