I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
