Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
