i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
