Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have grass duct taped all over my body
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
