nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We are two peas in an std pod
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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