you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
