there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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