Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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