Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
