Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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