I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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