I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
