just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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