So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
