I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
