I cannot find my penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
