if i can run in heels then i can drive
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
