Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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