Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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