Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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