I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
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You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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