dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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