I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
