Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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