The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like eating out sand paper
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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