youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
