I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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