Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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