Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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