Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
