8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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