something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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