I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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