i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize