Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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