Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
