Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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