I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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