Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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