yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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