Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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