Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
