I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am midnight drunk by noon
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
