the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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