Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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