I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
