In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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