i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
