if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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